Things I have learned this year
It might be hard to believe but the end of 2017 is in sight. It’s been a year where I’ve learned a lot and I would love to share my own little life lessons with you. It’s very personal so take from it whatever suits you, and if it’s not for you that’s fine too of course.
Not everybody is going to like you and that’s okay.
I’ll be honest: I like for people to like me. I always have. Of course, this is part of my own insecurity. But not everybody will like you. You can try your absolute best to win people over but they might just not be on the same wave length. One of my friends listened to me and offered me a quote as comfort:
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”
– Dita Von Teese
You will never be able to please them all. No matter how hard you try, there will always be people that don’t like you, or are nasty to you without reason. Those people are not worth your time. Find people that do you like for who you are, and don’t waste time to prove your worth for those who don’t care.
The way you feel about someone has everything to do with you and nothing to do with them.
It’s easy to blame all the thoughts that run through my mind when I think of a certain person all on that person. But isn’t my role in this as important?
In my opinion putting it all on the other person is like walking away from your own responsibility in that relationship. And when that person isn’t even aware of how they make you feel, there is no way you can solve the problem.
It’s not a game of blaming or who does what wrong: it’s about the problem underneath. Why is this person getting to you? Take a look inside yourself and define what it is that stirs up these feelings inside. Is this person always gossiping about co-workers and that makes you angry? Then, why does this make you angry? Is it because you’re afraid they will gossip about you too? Address those feelings. Talk to them. Work it out.
Saying ‘no’ to the wrong things means you can say ‘yes’ to the right things.
When I fell into a hole in the beginning of this year, so tired of everything I said yes to, I made a decision: I was going to say ‘no’ to the things I possibly couldn’t do.
I said no to jobs that didn’t suit me, no to jobs I really wanted to do but didn’t have time for and I even said no to social events.
For me, a party is something I need at least one day to recover from. When I’ve spend an evening filled with loud music, loads of people, singing, yelling, talking, I just need to recharge that battery for a day because all of my energy is drained.
I’ve come to discover that a lot of people have this. Some say it’s because of being introvert, it might be because you have Asperger-syndrome, some label it as HSP and some as the downside of ADHD. I don’t care how it’s being labelled, I just know I need to recharge afterwards.
I find it difficult sometimes to put my own needs before those of others. But in the end it results in the best solution for both: when you are comfortable you’re able to do so much more. You’re happier, more relaxed and more productive. Which means you can give more to others! So, take care of yourself and your own needs first before saying yes for the sake of others.
You can’t appreciate the sweet if you haven’t tasted the bitter
This one is an old Chinese saying, and it rings very true to me. When I went through a period of darkness and things weren’t so good, I started to realise what it meant to have happiness in my life.
I can honestly say I now know what true happiness is because I’ve felt what true unhappiness is. The one can’t exist without the other, otherwise you would have a flat line. To have experienced both ends of the spectrum in my life makes me grateful for everything that is in between.
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All text and images © Marloes De Vries