Things I have learned this year
It might be hard to believe but the end of 2017 is in sight. It’s been a year where I’ve learned a lot and I would love to share my own little life lessons with you. It’s very personal so take from it whatever suits you, and if it’s not for you that’s fine too of course.
Not everybody is going to like you and that’s okay.
I’ll be honest: I like for people to like me. I always have. Of course, this is part of my own insecurity. But not everybody will like you. You can try your absolute best to win people over but they might just not be on the same wave length. One of my friends listened to me and offered me a quote as comfort:
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”
– Dita Von Teese
You will never be able to please them all. No matter how hard you try, there will always be people that don’t like you, or are nasty to you without reason. Those people are not worth your time. Find people that do you like for who you are, and don’t waste time to prove your worth for those who don’t care.
The way you feel about someone has everything to do with you and nothing to do with them.
It’s easy to blame all the thoughts that run through my mind when I think of a certain person all on that person. But isn’t my role in this as important?
In my opinion putting it all on the other person is like walking away from your own responsibility in that relationship. And when that person isn’t even aware of how they make you feel, there is no way you can solve the problem.
It’s not a game of blaming or who does what wrong: it’s about the problem underneath. Why is this person getting to you? Take a look inside yourself and define what it is that stirs up these feelings inside. Is this person always gossiping about co-workers and that makes you angry? Then, why does this make you angry? Is it because you’re afraid they will gossip about you too? Address those feelings. Talk to them. Work it out.
Saying ‘no’ to the wrong things means you can say ‘yes’ to the right things.
When I fell into a hole in the beginning of this year, so tired of everything I said yes to, I made a decision: I was going to say ‘no’ to the things I possibly couldn’t do.
I said no to jobs that didn’t suit me, no to jobs I really wanted to do but didn’t have time for and I even said no to social events.
For me, a party is something I need at least one day to recover from. When I’ve spend an evening filled with loud music, loads of people, singing, yelling, talking, I just need to recharge that battery for a day because all of my energy is drained.
I’ve come to discover that a lot of people have this. Some say it’s because of being introvert, it might be because you have Asperger-syndrome, some label it as HSP and some as the downside of ADHD. I don’t care how it’s being labelled, I just know I need to recharge afterwards.
I find it difficult sometimes to put my own needs before those of others. But in the end it results in the best solution for both: when you are comfortable you’re able to do so much more. You’re happier, more relaxed and more productive. Which means you can give more to others! So, take care of yourself and your own needs first before saying yes for the sake of others.
You can’t appreciate the sweet if you haven’t tasted the bitter
This one is an old Chinese saying, and it rings very true to me. When I went through a period of darkness and things weren’t so good, I started to realise what it meant to have happiness in my life.
I can honestly say I now know what true happiness is because I’ve felt what true unhappiness is. The one can’t exist without the other, otherwise you would have a flat line. To have experienced both ends of the spectrum in my life makes me grateful for everything that is in between.
Thanks for reading! If you want to share this article with someone, please feel free to do so.
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All text and images © Marloes De Vries
Thanks for this insightfull article Marloes! Doing a recap like this is actually a good idea which I’m going to do for myself too.
The bit about the recovering after a party sounds familiar. Our son is very sensitive to stimuli and whenever we have a party or other activity he needs to recover from that at least for a whole day. Some people need that and that is fine. We choose to prioritise his needs over ours, so if he needs time to recharge his battery we will not undertake any activities.
Choosing for yourself is not that obvious when you also want to be loved. But maybe one does not exclude the other.
Wishing you a merry Christmas and an awesome art-filled 2018!
Thank you for your kind hearted comment, Bjorn! Really means a lot 🙂
Best wishes for you and your family and happy holidays!
Thanks for this wonderful post Marloes. I wish you all the best for your career in 2018. I’ll be waiting on the other side to appreciate your fantastic art work. In the mean time I wish you a wonderful 🎄 Christmas! Much love 💕
Best wishes to you Sara!
I can relate so much to this. Not everyone will like me, and that’s okay. I better be myself instead of being the person others want to see. Also, I ‘tasted’ some bitter the past months but I want to end this year positively. I will care better for myself and most of all stay in a positive mood. I wish you a christmas filled with love and an inspiring new year. Thank you for sharing, lots of love… Ps. Im Still thinking of that workshop last year in March, for sure a light for me in 2017!!
By putting yourself first you can eventually help others better. It’s a win-win for everyone 🙂
I’m happy the workshop brings you happy thoughts!
Best wishes to you!
This is a post I will come back to read again, Marloes. Thanks for sharing and illustrating your thoughts. Very inspiring.
I took your Sketchbook Skool course which I thoroughly enjoyed and I also have your Hastings zine on my art desk as a further source of inspiration.
All the best to you in 2018!
I’m happy you enjoyed the klass and thanks for buying my zine <3 Best wishes to you!
Leuk om je blog te lezen! Herkenbaar ook als ‘introvert’. Er zullen altijd mensen blijven die ‘peaches niet lekker vinden’ en kritiek hebben of negatief zijn. Vooral als illustrator stel je jezelf kwetsbaar op door je werk. Het is echt een stukje van jezelf. En negatieve dingen blijven toch sneller hangen dan de positieve dingen. Je werk is heel tof, dus blijf het vooral laten zien💖.
Wat ik soms doe is de positieve berichtjes uitprinten en op mijn muur plakken. Als een kleine reminder dat er mensen zijn die waarderen wat je doet. Daar voel ik me door gesterkt, want voor hen doe ik het!
Dankjewel voor je lieve berichtje!
What a wonderful collection of things you’ve learned this year. I actually think the beauty in a lot of these things is that they seem so common sense but they really don’t tend to ring true until you’ve come to face them yourself. I hope that you hold onto these truths into the new year and that 2018 brings you a lot of happiness. You’re an inspiration and I admire both your honesty and creativity. <3
Thanks for sharing your heart and your art. Much of your post resonated with me!
what a great though, i’ve just shared it to my facebook …
bdw I’m come from Indonesia,, nice to know you 🙂
I agree ! Thank you for this article ! I just want to share this and write this note for my reminder in my diary ❤